Medics Of Bored Panda, What’s The Funniest Thing A Patient Was Checked In For?
Please share funny stories!
Obligatory 'Not me but a friend'
She worked nights at the ER in our little resort town.
Fella came in, had driven from another town over 100 miles away - with a light bulb up his a*s.
Sent for xrays and wondering why he drove so far. He was a cop in his town... was seeking some level of anonymity.
Doc were able to get it out without breaking it.
I was emerg night charge nurse in northern BC in early 80s… and one of the long boring nights. I’d just thought how bored I was, which I should have known was fatal especially on full moon night….
In walks a young guy, early twenties….with the end of a vacuum nozzle attached to a tender part of his anatomy.
Turned out he was in real pain and doctor on call had a hell of a time getting it off….
I was working in a hospital emergency department with a man came in with a bone sticking out of his arm. He asked me "Do you think my arm is broken?" I responded "Umm, I'm going to go with 'Yes' on this one." The man thanked me and said he would make an appointment with his family doctor. I told him he would probably die from an infection before he could get to an appointment. The man agreed to stay for treatment.
Teenage couple didn't have a condom available, so they decided it would be a good idea to use aluminum foil - resulting in both of them suffering cuts and abrasions.
A woman came into our Emergency Department at 2:30am screaming she was in labor and the birth was immanent. We sent our L&D Team scrambling down to the ED to collect her. They came rushing back up, we had a room ready and the Dr at bedside ready to handle whatever needed handling. 5 mins later, the Dr stormed out of the room, leaned on the nurses station desk and sighed with such frustration. He looks me dead in the eye and says to, "Call Psych and a Case Manager up because this woman may be a lot of things, but pregnant was not one of them!" Then turns on his heel and stalks off to his office.
Vet here: Client rushed his dog in that had an erection "Ever since he stole some of my Egg McMuffin last week..."
(I told my dad about it, and his response: I know where I'm going for breakfast tomorrow! Eww, dad.)
Had a guy with two mosquoto bites come to the ER saturday night. He was well aware that they were not infected, just regular mosquito bites, but he wanted me have seen them in case they later would get infected, so I could compare....
Years ago I took a course for Medical Assistant. The instructor was a retired doctor. The lesson of the hour was, No matter what, don't laugh". He then told a story of a couple being rolled into the ER on a gurney. They were stuck together as he got hooked by her IUD wire.
This is FAR from the only such incident in that country, but during our stay in Manila when I was a child, my sister had to get her glucose levels checked at some point. Makati Hospital staff tried to convince my mother Caroline would need an X-ray and an overnight stay for such a test, demanding she pay a deposit up front. I can only imagine how surreal that must have been for my mother. "Well at least it's not Manila" is literally a joke in our family to this day, three decades later.
Not a medic but dentist. Patient came in with a toothache And he had TAPED a radioactive rock to his cheek to help his symptoms .
Not me but a long (now-dead of unrelated causes) patient. I'm the medical doctor.
Ate nothing but tree bark for three days. To win a bet. No, alcohol wasn't involved. (Which is a rarity.)
My mom was an emt about 20 years ago and on multiple occasions she had to bring someone into the er because of hiccups. 😭💀
Many years ago my father was a young resident at Bassett Hospital in Cooperstown, NY. He had a number of stories from that time but this is my favorite: He went out one winters night with the EMTs on a cardiac emergency call. They picked up a tough old farmer and headed back. On the way the ambulance hit an icy patch and skidded off the road into the snow. My father and the EMTs got out and were trying to push it back onto solid ground when my father looked at the guy straining next to him and realized it was the heart patient! They made them tough in those days.
Not me, but one of my aunts who is a nurse, she has so many stories but this is one of the ones that definitely stood out to me personally, so someone had called 911 as they had been walking around their house and had put pressure on their left foot (if I remember correctly) and had felt a sharp pain jolting through their leg, they said the pain was extremely bad and so 911 sent out paramedics and an ambulance they didn't seem to find anything wrong on site so they drove them to the hospital they later found out the person had stepped on a Lego....
My father was an emergency room doctor for decades, so I've heard many stories... This one, though, is one of the juiciest... It happened in the 1970s or 80s. There was a strip club in our little town and dancers from all over the province would travel there to perform. Early, one morning, one of these ladies arrives at the emergency room and asked to see a doctor. My father saw her and asked her what her concern was and how he could help her. She answered that the night prior, the strip club manager had told her that she wouldn't be allowed anywhere near the stage until she saw a doctor. My father, puzzled, asked her why. She answered that she apparently left too much vaginal discharge on the stage after she performed and it made it a slipping hazard for the other strippers. She also added that the "drippings" didn't smell good, either. After testing, she had a sexually transmitted disease and it is most likely that after a course of antibiotics, her "moisture levels" went back to normal and allowed her to go on earning a living.
My supervisor during pregrad practice. A mum went to a child gynaecologic ambulance with their baby and asked to remove the ugly lump to their daughter. When the doctor examined the young girl, asked which lump the mother meant, cause the doc did not find anything. Then the mother (with disgusted face) pointed out the daughter's clitoris.